I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
