Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
