Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
