so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
