Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
