he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
