Nicole vs. Life
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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