I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
