the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
