Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
