I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was like eating out sand paper
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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