its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
