so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
