Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
