We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
