I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
