if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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