With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
