he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
