So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize