oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
