the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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