I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
