Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
