i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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