Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
