why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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