just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She's like a pop up book from hell.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
