Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
