so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
