a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize