I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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