is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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