RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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