i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
