The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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