It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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