You really coming over, don't trick.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
