bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it because I queefed?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
