he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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