he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize