I wanna bring you to show and tell
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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