I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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