just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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