We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
