I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
