You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize