I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
