I think I won the penis lottery.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize