Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Less talking, more tequila
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize