so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
