College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize