Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
