He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
