in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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