Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
