I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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