Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
