I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's Friday. Sex?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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