Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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