My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
