FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
