I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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