So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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