How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
