I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
