PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
