im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
